Take the High Road – Even When You’re Feeling Low

As a leader, we often hear that actions speak louder than words. However, as a leader you’ll be on the receiving end of some interesting words and conversations that quite frankly can be hard to digest and even harder to respond to appropriately.

Did you ever get an email, text, or listen to a talk and thought:

“Wow, that really hurts.”

Or perhaps:

"That really ticks me off."

Me too.

Recently, all three happened within a short period of time.

Now, don't get me wrong. We all say and do things that may hurt or frustrate others. I'm certain I’ve done it, though not intentionally. In fact, I genuinely believe that most people don't do it on purpose. It happens because we're human.

Even so, there are moments when I have to consciously remind myself:

It wasn't intentional, and it wasn't personal.

Here are a few examples, shared with confidentiality and respect for those involved.

I share them for two reasons: 

First, to encourage all of us to think carefully before we speak, write, or respond.

Second, to recognize that a person's perception becomes their reality. Even when something wasn't intended a certain way, the impact can still be real.

In each situation, I talked things through with a trusted confidant to help determine what was true, what the likely intention was, and how I wanted to move forward.

Example #1: The Email

I misspelled someone's name.

If I misspell or mispronounce someone's name, I absolutely want to know. It's important to me to get it right.

However, the correction came through a "reply all" email rather than a private message.

Was it intentional? Probably not. There were other questions being answered that involved the entire group.

So, I paused, reminded myself that the correction was valid, and let it go.

Example #2: The Text Message

A group reservation was being organized.

In my humble opinion, when coordinating plans for a group, it's helpful to give everyone a reasonable opportunity to respond before finalizing reservations—especially when space was limited.

Fortunately, one member of the group worked privately and respectfully to improve communication so that everyone who wanted to attend had the opportunity and felt heard.

It would have been easy to fire off a frustrating text.

Instead, I talked with a trusted person and decided to let it go. If I was able to attend, great. If not, that was okay too.

Example #3: The Conversation (kind of)

I listened to a presentation that challenged me—not necessarily because of what was said, but because of how it was said and how it may have come across to guests.

The speaker was discussing beliefs. While I agreed with many of the underlying principles, I worried that the delivery may have unintentionally alienated or offended some people.

When we share our values, beliefs, and convictions, the message matters.

But so does the method.

Again, I sought the perspective of a trusted person. To be honest, I'm still wrestling with whether saying something would be helpful or not.

So, What Can We Do?

How do we take the high road when we're feeling low?

Here are five practices that help me.

1. Wait. Then Wait Some More.

Before responding to anything, pause.

Unless it's a true crisis, give yourself time to think about what was said, how it affected you, and how you want to respond.

A delayed response is often a better response.

2. Assume Positive Intent

Consider what the other person may have meant rather than focusing solely on how the message landed.

Not every awkward comment, poorly worded email, or frustrating interaction comes from a place of bad intent. Most don’t.

3. Talk It Over with Someone You Trust

Seek the perspective of someone who will be honest with you.

A trusted confidant can help you separate emotion from fact and determine the most respectful and effective way to move forward.

4. Decide Whether It Needs to Be Addressed

Not every irritation deserves a response.

Ask yourself:

• Will addressing this make a meaningful difference?

• Will it strengthen the relationship?

• Will it help the other person grow?

Sometimes the answer is yes.

Sometimes the wisest choice is to let it go.

5. Respond the Way You Would Want to Be Treated

Before you hit "send" or start the conversation, ask yourself:

"If I were receiving this message, how would I want it delivered?"

Choose respect and integrity—you'll rarely regret it, and others will remember it as well as it will help you maintain your character and self-respect.

A Question Worth Asking

When communication offends or upsets me, I often ask myself a simple question:

What do you (I) want to be known for in conversations?

Do I want to be known for flying off the handle?

(And yes, I've done that before—and regretted it.)

Or do I want to be known for responding with honesty, kindness, tact, and respect? (This is what I want to be known for). 

The answer or how the conversation needs to be handled doesn't always make the situation easier. But it does make the path forward clearer.

Final Thought

Taking the high road when you're feeling low isn't easy.

It requires patience, self-awareness, humility, and restraint.

Yet in the long run, it helps preserve relationships, protect your integrity, and strengthen your self-respect.

As leaders, we may not always control what others say or do.

But we can control how we respond.

And sometimes, that's where leadership matters most.

You got this! And I have your back!

If you ever want to have a conversation, email me and let’s talk!            

Ann