Overcoming Self‑Doubt: How to Build Lasting Confidence and Clarity
Lack of Confidence and Self-doubt:
Sometimes you feel confident. Sometimes you don’t. Confidence isn’t about knowing everything all the time, it’s knowing where to find the answers. With the right resources, knowledge, skills, team members, and processes, you can accomplish the goals you set out to achieve.
Sometimes when you experience self-doubt you just want to turn around and run the other way, ignore them, or dwell on them.
What causes you to doubt yourself when you have a thought, an idea, or a project you’re working on and excited about and then suddenly you wonder if you should share the thought or work toward the goal? Are you sabotaging your own success? This isn’t about not wanting to do something, it could be something you really want to accomplish; however, for whatever reason, an incident in your past, something someone said that’s stuck in your head, or lack of knowledge or experience makes you question whether this goal can become a reality.
I just want you to know that most people have doubts about themselves and lack confidence at some point in their life.
What to do to feel more confident and address self-doubt?
Talk to someone about the reason’s you’re doubting yourself
Create a list of your strengths
Journal and/or talk about a time when you felt confident
Ask your trusted friends to share with you 3 – 5 things they believe you do well
Say to yourself: “I can do hard things. I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to be great to start, however, I have to start to be great.”
“Never let self-doubt hold you captive.”
Roy Bennett
2. Fear of failure or fear of success?
Some have asked, “Are you afraid of success or failure?” No one likes to fail, yet we all do at some point in life. In fact, we fail multiple times in our life. If you don’t fail, you’re probably not trying enough new things. Think about how much you learn from your so-called failures. I’ve heard it said, “it’s only a failure if you fail to learn from it.” How much more would you, as well as kids, learn if you asked yourself, what did I learn from this or what will I do differently next time?
Success—Do you ever wonder how anyone could be afraid of success? It’s kind of like what Marianne Williamson said in her quote, “Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. It is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, and not our darkness, that frightens us.”
Once you’re successful, do you feel people or maybe you have even higher expectations of and for you and it’s going to create more work and stress in your life? At times, I think this.
What to do to address your fears?
Ask yourself some questions:
Is what you’re telling yourself true?
Does it have merit?
Does it serve you?
Are you allowing comparison, an imagined fear, or self-doubt control you?
Think of Fear of failure like this - F.A.I.L.—First Attempt in Learning.
Take a moment and define what success is for you. Don’t let others define it for you. Different people not only define success in different ways, it’s also different for people based on their capabilities. What would success mean to you?
“Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will.”
Suzy Kassem
3. Time or perceived lack of time and not knowing where or when to begin:
Are you overwhelmed with ideas and “tasks” to do swirling around in your head that you’re mentally paralyzed? I get it. I wish I could say I’ve been there however I can say I’m there at the moment. I have so many things I’d like to do some days I’m not certain where to begin.
Sometimes we have time, however we lack focus on how to more effectively use our time. Other times we truly have too many things on our plate. Are your time commitments – determined by others? Or have you scheduled so much of your time you haven’t made the time to consider what is important and what you want to be spending your time on? Are you doing things to please others, when you really want and need to honor your own priorities including even self-care?
Just because you choose not to do something today doesn’t mean you won’t ever do it. It just means not today.
What to do to increase managing your time and begin reeling in the craziness in the squirrel brain?
Create and use a “Will Do” list
Be intentional with what is truly important to you.
Do the hardest work when you’re at your best. Are you a morning or afternoon person?
Work in chunks: make phone calls, schedule meetings in blocks, answer/write emails, and focus on projects. Don’t jump from one thing to another.
Say yes, to what’s important and no to what is not high on the priority list – today.
Create a list of what you want to do in the next year.
Develop a realistic timeline for your goals.
Brainstorm with a friend or peer about your goals and timelines.
Determine what you will regret if you don’t do it.
Determine what to let go for now – not forever.
4. Unsure if you’re headed in the right direction?
Do you ever continue going in the same direction and doing the same things over and over again. Then at the end of the day, week, or month, step back and realize you have not moved forward toward any of your big goals and new ideas. I feel like that too.
What to do to ensure you’re headed in the right direction?
Schedule a meeting with yourself to contemplate and evaluate your priorities, and what you want to do and want you want to let go of.
Talk to a trusted friend or peer about where you want to be, where you are, and what you’re willing and able to do to reach your goals.
Work with a coach.
Remember:
You are enough.
Don’t compare your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 20.
Evaluate fear. Are your fears substantiated in facts or myths to which you subscribe based on things said by those who don’t care about you or your own self-sabotages?
Assume positive Intent – about yourself.
Comparison, fear and self-doubt can be liars—they can rob you of your happiness and full potential, take over your life and paralyze your progress if you allow them to. They can take your breath away and leave you drowning in a sea of self-doubt. However, they can also challenge you and make you stronger.
You have what you need.
You can develop the skills needed to accomplish what you want.
Lean on your peers.
